i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
