Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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