Can i not drive my cunt home
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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