She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
