Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
