My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
