I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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