we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
