Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Too much dab too little lung dying đ”đ”đ”
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Itâs just hard to believe you really care about me when u havenât touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
