It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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