roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
