I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
