1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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