If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
