I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
