the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
