i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
