I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize