I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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