Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
