is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
