I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize