I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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