The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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