I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
