Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
