Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
