yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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