This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
