I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
MIDGETS
????
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
