Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
