How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
