Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
