why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
