I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
