I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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