I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had sex on a roof
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
