i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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