you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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