I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
