I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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