ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
