i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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