at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
