someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
