i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
