no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize