so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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