I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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