sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
