Kiss
Puke
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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