the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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