Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
