some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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