She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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