i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
