We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
