I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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