i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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