In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
