Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
