So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
