Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
