oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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