Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
