it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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