and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
