I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
