Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
