margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize