A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Too much gin, very little bucket
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
