I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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