Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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