Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have surprise drugs for everyone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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