After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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