I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
